im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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