i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
