You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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