i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Less talking, more tequila
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
