my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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