I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
