Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
