who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
