Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
