How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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