i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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