Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
