My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
