...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
