Whod you bang
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
