He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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