i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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