Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
