Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
