so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
