Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
