Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
