Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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