Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
