why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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