I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
