people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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