party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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