sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
