Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There r osticjed everywhere
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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