I'm going to jail i love you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
