I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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