i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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