i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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