Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dear god my vagina.
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