I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
