He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
