So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
