capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
