That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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