so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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