Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
