I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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