ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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