I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
