Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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