so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
