why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
