He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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