whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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