I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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