I'm passing your future prison.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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