Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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