just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
