I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
